Thank you for not been there.

Sometimes I want to thank all those who have hurt me the most, for this pain has made me more human or more real to me. Someone said to me, pain is not necessary bad and today I couldn’t agree more. Many great wounds end up teaching me things I can never otherwise learn. I have been molded such that, many people, double crosses etc just don’t bother me anymore. To quote U2 here, the song Struck in the moment , “I am not afraid of anything in this world. There is nothing you can throw at me, that I haven’t already heard.”

Maybe it is good, maybe I should be like this, alone hurt and in pain, or else too much happiness could be bad, it could actually destroy my ‘self’. Imagine having all that is good, how would one know what is good, how would one be satisfied, wouldn’t then I be as superficial as the very people I can not stand. Trance, tranquility can not be happiness, which I have given up on, long back. All I seek is satisfaction, which I can drive out of knowing certain someone (almost there), talking to someone and just been there with someone, yes if only such things would stop revolving around someone’s and start centering upon me, but I haven’t reached there yet, would I, only time will tell.

But today I would like to say this to someone, thank you for not been there, for if you have been here, I would not be closer to my own self. I would not have reached the depth of thinking I experience now. I really can not explain how I feel right this very moment, so I would do what I always do in such cases, Quote Mirza Galib, when he said, “tere wade pe ziye, toh yeh jaan juthi janna. Ke kushi se mar na jate, jo ietbar hota.” This means, “If I am alive because of your promise, then this life should be false, or non-existent. For if I trusted the promise, I would have died of happiness.”

Really not much to say or rather explain here other then telling myself- its ok, its all good.